SEPARATION ANXIETY

The root of fear of rejection is an unfounded fear of entering into close relationships with other people. For a person with this condition, every relationship carries the risk of being rejected. This perspective of withdrawal and loneliness is frightening. A person with this condition is unable to build happy relationships with others, and even if they do, they cannot enjoy them.

Causes

Negative childhood experiences are considered the main and most important cause of fear of rejection. The experience of being rejected early in life has a real impact on later functioning in relationships with other people. Another cause of fear of rejection may be the lack of a secure attachment style in childhood, resulting in the inability to form secure relationships with another person. A child who was left unsupervised,  without any interest, without love and warmth, loses trust in a loved one and in the world around them. This means that, as an adult, they may be unable to build a relationship of trust, intimacy, or love with others. When a child has experienced domestic violence or has been traumatized by, for example, their parents’ divorce, they may later develop a fear of rejection.

Symptoms

Fear of abandonment manifests itself as follows:

• Difficulty giving a partner space;
• Clinging to a partner, or a constant desire for more contact;
• Excessive attentiveness and being overly tolerant;
• Willingness to share feelings and information;
• Caring more for your partner than for yourself;
• Feeling that you are never enough as a person;
• Adapting to the other person’s schedule and pace;
• Poorly defined boundaries, tolerance of harm, unhappiness, or infidelity;
• Dependence on a partner;
• A desire for constant signs of tenderness;
• Excessive joy over affection from the other person;
• Treating sex as proof of love or using it to redeem yourself;
• Abandoning healthy sexual boundaries in order to please the other person, and powerlessness in the face of their dominant tendencies;
• Needing a partner as a constant companion;
• Constantly seeking connection and intimacy;
• Feeling lost in the absence of the other person;
• Showing fear and hiding anger;
• Excessive determination and caution;
• Suffering from repeated breakups and reunions.

In addition, the symptoms of fear of rejection may vary depending on the personality type involved. The most characteristic are:

– narcissistic symptoms, including self-glorification, high self-esteem, perfectionism, selfishness, and excessive demands on oneself and others,

– avoidant symptoms, i.e. avoiding activities that require closer relationships with people,

– obsessive-compulsive personality disorder, i.e. excessive perfectionism, caution, overthinking, as well as excessive conscientiousness,

– dependent symptoms, expressed in excessive submission to other people, inability to express an opinion, difficulty making independent decisions, helplessness, and shifting responsibility onto others,

– histrionic symptoms, i.e. seductiveness, excessive focus on physical attractiveness, inability to build stronger emotional relationships with other people; people with these symptoms often feel underestimated when they are not in the spotlight,

– schizoid symptoms, i.e. withdrawal from relationships, a tendency toward loneliness, emotional indifference,

– paranoid symptoms, i.e. suspicion and distrust of other people, oversensitivity about oneself,

– borderline personality, characterized by emotional instability and extreme feelings toward others, ranging from strong attachment and idealization of the other person to complete rejection, hatred, and contempt.

Fear of rejection is very clear in relationships where one person is panic-stricken by the thought of loneliness. The fear that drives them can lead them to do a great deal and sacrifice a great deal in order not to be alone.

This problem has many life consequences. These include feelings of loneliness, emptiness, lack of understanding, reduced self-esteem, and an inability to form close relationships. Sometimes neurotic or depressive symptoms also appear. These people are sensitive to criticism and rejection; they take the behavior of many other people very personally and see it as an attack on their person.

Treatment

Fear of rejection is often not only difficult to recognize, but also difficult to address without the help of a specialist. The most effective treatment method is therapy, although here too the patient’s fear of rejection may be an obstacle—this time in relation to the therapist. The main goal of psychotherapy is to help the patient maintain a relationship.