COMMUNICATION PROBLEMS

Symptoms

Communication problems are usually related to:

• Difficulty expressing your own needs (not talking about what you need, or forcing others to do what you want by shouting or manipulating);
• Not communicating your own emotions (hiding, suppressing, and denying your own emotions; pretending they are not there; self-deception);
• Difficulties with assertive communication (being unable to say no, using crying, shouting as a form of pressure, not accepting other people’s refusal, not showing your own boundaries, and allowing others to walk all over you);
• These problems may affect all areas of life or be limited to just one area (for example, everything may be fine at home, but at work there are problems with assertiveness, setting personal boundaries, and clearly communicating one’s needs).

The two most common forms of communication disorders are:

• Verbal aggression (shouting, raising one’s voice, judging the other person negatively, insulting them, swearing, provoking the person at whom the anger is directed). This form of aggression is usually linked to the goal of humiliating the person it is aimed at.
• Lack of communication (adopting a passive attitude). This involves suppressing emotions rather than expressing them. Such a person is often silent, resentful, emotionally distant, stops maintaining contact with the other person, or pretends to have forgotten something that was very important to the other person.

People with communication problems do not give themselves the right to express themselves, their needs, opinions, and feelings—or they do so in a way that hurts others.

Causes

There is no single cause of communication problems. It is a complex process connected to each person’s personal experiences, character structure, and personality. For this reason, there is no single way to “cure” communication problems, and what helps one person will not always help another.

Most often, communication difficulties and problems are associated with a lack of emotional maturity, blocked emotions or needs, low self-esteem, and a lack of respect for oneself or others. The reasons behind these problems are often unhealthy patterns we learned at home (for example, if everything in the family home was resolved by shouting, we may also shout at others because we do not know how to ask). Communication problems are also associated with experiencing a whole range of negative emotions. The most common are sadness, helplessness, coldness, suffering, anger, nervousness, shame, humiliation, and fear. When these emotions build up and are not expressed assertively, they can lead to verbal aggression.

Treatment

Communication problems are addressed during psychotherapy. During therapy, the causes of communication problems are explored and assertive behavior is practiced. In a safe setting, new ways of communicating are tested and behavior patterns are developed that can later be used in real life. During psychotherapy, we learn how to communicate effectively, with respect for ourselves and others.